Three Inner Battles; Desire for Change vs. Resistance to Change (part 1)

July 2011

“I want a better job,” “I want a closer relationship with my mother,” “I want to be free of my  depression and drinking,” “I want to make healthier food choices,” “I want my children to behave…”  Despite what on the surface appears to be a desire for change, advancement & personal growth, we intrinsically refuse it.  The single most common barrier to individuals reaching their goals is their own resistance to change.  Good or bad, change often challenges our very identity. The same rules apply whether you are struggling with resistance to change yourself, your children, employees or clients. I have to thank my clients who have provided me with endless insight related to change, which I often apply to my own life. Here are some things I have learned to consider when wondering “Why is this change thing so difficult?!?”

Benefits of not changing;

  • Stability
  • Feeling safe and in control (even in unsafe or painful situations)
  • Knowing what to expect
  • The belief one knows how to be effective/manage things
  • Our sense-of-self is invested in staying the same
  • ****If you have control over nothing else around you can still demonstrate control by refusing change

Cons of Change;

  • Challenges your identity and sense-of-self
  • “I’m the same person I always was” does not apply
  • Change is the unknown
  • Change can be terrifying, uncomfortable at best
  • Change often requires faith/letting go of control
  • Change is sometimes dictated by other people
  • ****People around you will resist it and may reject you

I challenge you to identify one area of your life in which you have been resisting change and identify which of the above contribute to this resistance.  If you cant find resistance DIG DEEPER! The good new is that if you are creating the biggest obstacle to reaching your full potential, you have the power to remove that obstacle!


One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself.

He said, “My son, it is between 2 wolves. One is evil: Anger, envy,

sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,

inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego… The other is

good: Joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness,benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith…”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his

grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one I feed.”

— Native American Proverb